It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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