I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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