then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
