Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
