why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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