Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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