I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize