I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
