why im i the only drunk person in the library?
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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