Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
