I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i permit you to call me
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
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