I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
