Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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