to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
