I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
So gin and wine won't be happening again
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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