When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
