so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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