Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
