video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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