I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
