she looked like the before picture.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
