I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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