i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Dick very happy bro
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
