I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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