Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
