im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
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