non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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