thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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