either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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