Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
