Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Randomize