omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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