apparently the secret to your success is patron
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
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