I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
