In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
