Don't make out with my wife yet
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
