Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
