I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
