Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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