you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Randomize
