the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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