OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
