i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
