we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Randomize
