turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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