I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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