Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Found your dick twin last night
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
