please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
