I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
