her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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