i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
you didnt know i had herpes?
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
what is it with giant penises always finding me
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize