just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
