Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
