dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Randomize
