if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
