i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize