if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
