Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Randomize
