Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I think my moral compass just broke
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
