He passed out mid-signature
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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