speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Drake has all the answers
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
