I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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