I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
