Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
