this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize