Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
