Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
