he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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