Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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