If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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