I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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