the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Randomize
