I hate your face
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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