I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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