youre lurking in front of me
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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