I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize