I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize