I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
