hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
