DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
