yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
