we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Randomize
