you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
