I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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