She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
