his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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