my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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