As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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