Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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