I wish I could teleport
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize