And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize