I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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