Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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