whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Randomize
