I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
then he tried to convert me to islam
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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