I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Buhtt sex?
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
