tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Well I just put wine in my tea
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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