By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
