Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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