Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Life is so much better after having sex.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
