somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
