you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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