I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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