He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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