i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
