I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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