First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
