my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
