The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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