white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
If I die, sorry about rent.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
