my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
