i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
